Shorties

BEST FRIENDS

27-07-12

Today’s been warm, perfect for afternoon soccer practice. It seems like rainy days are over.

The wind is blowing pretty hard but the sun is out.

I sit down to rest.

I’m almost twenty yards away but I see.

I see her.

I see her straight long hair moving with the wind. I see her smile. I see her laugh. I see her try to put her hair back into place and the wind just blowing it out again.

She turns my way…

..and waves.

Suddenly, I feel conscious.

I grab my towel and immediately wipe off the sweat trickling down my forehead.

She runs towards me.

 She runs. She slows down. She walks. And about 3 meters away she runs again…

…she’s right in front of me.

I look up at her. She’s catching her breath. She looks down at me and grins.

“Hey” she says

“What’s up?” I say

“See how exhausted I am after running like that?” She asks me

“Well you weren’t really runni—” She cuts me off

“Yeah, I was!” She says, this time a little louder

I smile.

She smiles back.

She sits next to me.

“What’s with your shirt?” She asks

“What’s with it?”

“It looks weird on you”

I, in fact am wearing my best shirt. I’m skinny but I thought this shirt looked perfect on me. I guess I thought wrong.

“It does?” I start to feel uneasy

She laughs

“It looks big on you” She says

“Oh…” I look down on my shirt.

I guess I should gain a bit more weight…

“Hey! Why are you taking it so seriously?” She laughs “I was just kidding”

“No, I know!” I feel my cheeks burning up “I just thought it was big too…”

“It’s not. It looks good on you” She says as she hugs her knees and lays her chin on them

She’s looking down at the ground while picking on little bits of grass.

She starts to look sad.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her

“What do you mean?” She doesn’t turn her gaze.

“I know when something’s up” I sigh

Silence. I look down on her hand. Her grip gets tighter at every pull.

By then I realize that she’s not just sad. She’s angry.

“It’s James” she sighs and finally looks at me

I look at her.

James. James. James. That guy? You’re giving that guy the power to take away your smile?

Your beautiful, beautiful smile?

“Michelle…I don’t think James deser—” She cuts me off

“Stop. Don’t. Just Don’t. I know what you think of him.” She turns away again

I lean on the metal fence.

I see her back. I see her hair slowly dancing to the soft blowing wind.

It’s been like this since forever.

I see her.

She sees me.

But she doesn’t look at me like I look at her.

I know about the mistakes she makes.

The guys she picks.

The pricks she picks.

The jerks.

The assholes.

We’ve been best friends since we were little.

And I think that’s what hurts the most.

 I sigh.

“Michelle…I’m sorry.” I shift closer to her. “What happened?”

She turns to me.

Her eyes are brown. It swallows me up. Gazing at them hurts because clear as they see, they’ll never look at me.

“We had a fight” She says, pouting

I sigh

“He blew me off for his friends…”

Why are you with him?

“…it’s no biggie but I wish…”

Why are you with HIM?

“…at least once, he would blow them off for me” She says

She turns away.

I want to hug her. I want to put my arms around her.

Her ringtone sounds off.

She rummages through her bag looking for her phone.

“It’s James” She says and turns to look at me

Don’t answer it

“Answer it” I say

She gets up, answers it and walks…

…one…

…two…

…three…

…four…

…five…

…six…

…six steps away

No matter how far away she is, I see.

I always see.

I always see her smile.

She walks towards me.

“What did he say?” I ask

“He said he was sorry” She says

I look down. I don’t want her to see me getting disappointed.

“Hey…it’s fine.” She crouches, puts her hand on my shoulder and says “I’ll be fine”

I know but how will I be? How should I be?

“He asked me to meet him at the front gate...” She says

“…we’re going to the movies.”

Don’t…

I look at her. She looks sad. She looks like she knows how I feel.

She doesn’t.

“I’m happy for you.” I say

“Do you mean it?” She asks me

I don’t

“I do.” I say

I DON’T!!

“Thanks…” She smiles “I should get going now…he’s waiting for me”

She gets up.

I stay, sitting down.

“Michelle. Don’t go. Stay. Please. Don’t be with him. Be with me. I’ll never ever hurt you. You won’t ever cry. Stay. I like you. I LOVE you. I always have…

…so stay.”

I wanted to say it. I wanted to yell it right at her if I had to.

But I can’t.

This is my place.

This is where I’ve always been.

In the sidelines.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Knowing that it’s never going to happen.

She and I. Me and her. We will never happen.

And I know exactly why.

I’m her best friend.

That’s all I’ll ever be.

I’ll always be here.

And she’ll always be moving forward…

…to the pricks…

…to the jerks…

…to the assholes…

And I’ll be here.

Always.

I turn her way.

She’s walking.

Farther…

…and farther…

…away…

I get up.

“Michelle!!!” I call out to her

She turns to look at me.

“I’ll see you later!!!” I yell

She smiles and waves…

…then turns away.
I sit back down.

I’ll never find the guts to tell her.

I love her and she doesn’t know…

…but I do.

I know how much I love her.

And I’ll never tell.

Because I’m selfish.

Yeah, that’s it.

I’m selfish and I’m scared.

I’m saving myself from the pain of her rejection…

…and the pain of losing her.

I’m keeping it to myself because I know exactly what she’ll say.

…maybe that’s what hurts the most.

A ball is rolling my way.

I turn to look at the soccer field.

I see some girls gesturing at me to give the ball back.

I give them the thumbs up.

I get up…

…and I kick the ball.

As hard as I could.

A girl catches it…

…and she yells

“Thanks, Jennifer!”